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It might also be helpful to ditch the kids. Dropping them off with your parents or getting away to a hotel for a night can help you and your partner disconnect from your distractions, Allison says. (A hotel is also a good idea because new settings can ease your transition into new experiences.)

How to have kinky sex:

Now that you and your partner are on the same page, there are plenty of ways to actually go about getting down with a little more flair than usual.

1) Tie each other up.

You don’t have to use handcuffs or chains to add some kink to your sex life (though if you’re interested in finding a pair, we love these silk chain link cuffs from the LELO Confession Couples’ Gift Set.) You can start pretty small with some light bondage and restraint play.

“There is a sense of being erotically overwhelmed that comes along with being restrained, and many women find it quite passionate,” says Carol Queen, Ph. “Women are encouraged to understand themselves as objects of desire, and through bondage and restraint, there’s an acting out of that.”

During one of your romps, use your hands to restrain hers above her head. dating site compare If she seems to like that (go ahead, ask), consider taking it further the next time around. You’ll want to ask her prior to make sure she’s into the idea of going further, but if she is, go ahead and grab neckties, silk scarves, or a pair of stockings the next time you get to it. Use gentle knots and give yourself access to all areas. Then resume what you were doing. Only slower.

“One time during sex, my husband said, ‘Okay, you don’t get to use your hands,’ and that really added a whole new level,” says Carley, 26. “We would take turns: He would hold on to the headboard and I’d do my thing, then we’d switch. I like feeling that he could just have his way with me and I’d be powerless to stop him. It’s total trust, and that’s sexy.”

2) Try some light spanking.